12 months home
12 months after his return - he still serves and I still wait.
We have come so far, yet I feel dissapointment. Things rarely play out the way they do in our minds, but I did have hope that this year would be more than it was. It's to be expected though. We put so much pressure on ourselves and we've both floundered. Truth is, although dulled, his aggression and my frustration remain. I see him every weekend when I'm lucky and every few weeks when I'm not. I'm looking forward to the day we can enjoy each other without the threat of another looming separation.
12 months on - I feel the change.
I'm not as naive as I was 5 years ago when he joined the forces. I wasn't his wife then - I lived in Australia then. I've started saying I lept before I looked, but to be honest that youth and naivity allowed us both to take that leap into the unknown. We've acheived so much, and while we are still figuring out ourselves and each other after the whirlwind that has been this whole experience, it's an adventure worth taking.
12 months later, and I have space to visit my dreams.
The decision to go to Afghanistan affected both our lives. Our goals changed, mine were placed on hold while we acheived his. I'm now sensing them on the horizon again. They don't feel as out of reach as they did when I lived on an isolated military base or totally out view when thoughts of him and this life filled my being and obscured everything else. I see myself again.
12 months gone and we can now look forward.
I've turned around. I feel like I've smelled fresh air for the first time in ages after the staleness of the tunnel we entered. In my immediate view, I'm finally getting to go back to my roots. I will see the Australian sun, play with old friends and family, smell the ocean, taste food the way I think it should taste and feel the comfort of my home soil under my toes. It's a part of the healing process I need to continue moving.
We still have a lot of excitement ahead. Our lives are consistently uncertain yet we reach for the stars. We find joy in exploring the possibilities together. We continue to weave our home in the fabric of our relationsip. We'll eventually entwine together, but until then we enjoy those moments we can, fully and with no regret.
12 months home and I still hold my breath when he walks through the door. Everything is as it should be.
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